All is not well

Right now my biggest problem in the lab is loneliness.

It's tough to come in as an inexperienced undergraduate from another university. It's tougher because I'm also well over 5 years younger than all but one researcher in my lab (and he's a 5th year senior from ISU). I'm tired of feeling like a pesky younger sister all the time. If I may whine a bit more, I could really use someone to talk to at work.

Reflection: I've learned something about myself. I would hate a job that didn't include team dynamics, even though I've always hated group projects in school. I need to work with people and not by myself.

In other news, I had a work-related accident today. I was steering the 160 L LN2 tank on the dolly for the first time ever and the bottom end stuck out farther than I realized. I put cat-whisker like wrinkles in some sliding safety glass doors on a ground-level display case in the chem store. I fessed up immediately and asked how I would go about replacing them. And blinked back a lot of tears (though how successfully, I don't know). I will not have to pay anything.

Reflection: accidents stink - I'm still feeling upset about this one. However, I am proud that I tried to do the right thing to correct it. (Don't get too excited, though, because a group of people saw me do it...if I had wanted to hide, I couldn't have). I wasn't worth a lot afterwards...I blinked back tears all day. :(

Two weeks down and...

This week was much improved over last. The worst part of being employed in a lab that I am still pretty unfamiliar with is not knowing enough to keep myself busy. There is no daily "to-do" list for me - if I'm lucky I hear from my PI in a day. I tried all morning today to snag him, but it wasn't until about 11:30 that we finally connected. He was encouraged by the results from yesterday's run of Wednesday's sample, though they aren't cookie-cutter good. I ran the same test over again starting at an even lower temp (-120oC), and it was identical to yesterday's run. This is superb, because it means the two portions of the same sample are basically the same. Consistent results are good.

These results, however strange and consistent, open the door for further testing. We may try to add a third component to figure out how to eliminate the strange results, or I may have to perform a test that to me sounds iffy (checking for a "cloud point"). I really enjoy the set-it-up-and-walk-away feature of the thermal analysis equipment; the cloud point test is a matter of judgment alone.

I'm also going to need to synthesize some more cross-linker. I want to, because I don't want Xia to be upset at me for using up all of his, but I'm afraid my skillz won't be honed enough to try. I'd also like to feel like I can be a little less worried about every last drop of cross-linker. Wishful thinking, I believe.

Reflection: it's been two weeks and I still despise trying to come up with things to do without guidance.